8.31 Went camping near Alton, MO and saw some cool bugs, woodpeckers, baby deer and armadillos (alive). Hiked to Greer Spring which feeds into the Eleven Point and got to see a "spring boil" and water coming out of a cave. Pretty amazing and very cold. Went into town to go to a friend's restaurant called "Court Square Cafe". It was really cute and nice to chat with them about their experience moving back home to a small town and trying to establish community and self-sufficiency. I also got to float on the Eleven Point River where I saw river otters in the wild for the first time! Also saw small ducks (probably wood ducks), great blue herons, a little blue heron (i think). Thanks @moldgold222 and @mothbaby for taking care of Jojo and June

Been taking a new med coming up on two weeks...cant tell if its working yet. Trying out DBT and trying really hard to accept that I have anxiety and that its okay.

July

mmm dreaming about serving tables again? stress dreams...haven't been a server for like almost 7 years. Still not feeling myself during the day...just at night. And every evening I worry it will not get better this time but then it does. Tomorrow i try new psychiatrist

I am wanting to start something new but not sure what...I think I need to change things up. I have been having a hard time since December 18th 2025, though it has gotten a lot better. I am still so sad that it has lasted so long. Most people may not realize from the outside? Idk. My best feelings have happened while being with other people, I usually feel relief in social situations and after nightfall. I have been inspired by playing recorder lately and want to play clarinet more and break the saxophone back out (its been a minute). I miss my old band Pineapple RNR maybe we will get back together some day...if not i would like to start a new group something similar that is dancey and fun and exciting and i'd like to play saxophone maybe or synth.

New

art for vanilla beans new album called Laughing But Very Serious...not sure if i should spell out the words or not