8.31 Went camping near Alton, MO and saw some cool bugs, woodpeckers, baby deer and armadillos (alive). Hiked to Greer Spring which feeds into the Eleven Point and got to see a "spring boil" and water coming out of a cave. Pretty amazing and very cold. Went into town to go to a friend's restaurant called "Court Square Cafe". It was really cute and nice to chat with them about their experience moving back home to a small town and trying to establish community and self-sufficiency. I also got to float on the Eleven Point River where I saw river otters in the wild for the first time! Also saw small ducks (probably wood ducks), great blue herons, a little blue heron (i think). Thanks @moldgold222 and @mothbaby for taking care of Jojo and June



Been taking a new med coming up on two weeks...cant tell if its working yet. Trying out DBT and trying really hard to accept that I have anxiety and that its okay.

July
mmm dreaming about serving tables again? stress dreams...haven't been a server for like almost 7 years. Still not feeling myself during the day...just at night. And every evening I worry it will not get better this time but then it does. Tomorrow i try new psychiatrist

I am wanting to start something new but not sure what...I think I need to change things up. I have been having a hard time since December 18th 2025, though it has gotten a lot better. I am still so sad that it has lasted so long. Most people may not realize from the outside? Idk. My best feelings have happened while being with other people, I usually feel relief in social situations and after nightfall. I have been inspired by playing recorder lately and want to play clarinet more and break the saxophone back out (its been a minute). I miss my old band Pineapple RNR maybe we will get back together some day...if not i would like to start a new group something similar that is dancey and fun and exciting and i'd like to play saxophone maybe or synth.

# New

art for vanilla beans new album called Laughing But Very Serious...not sure if i should spell out the words or not

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